My story is a story with a open ending...it still is a work in progress but I hope this can help someone ... My biggest trouble in college...of all troubles.... Poor grades...toxic friends and habits ..none as bad as me being this pretentious person....trying to always stick it up to people...impress and be in their good books so that I would thrive on this...be this egotistical being who was concerned over anyone's lives but mine...

Because I innately have deep attachment towards people it's just my instinct I guess...and pre college I beleive I was conditioned in a way where I wasn't given much of attention Unless someone needed academic advice...

But maybe some coincidences that happened maybe in the last 2 years are so have been surreal and I can't understand why or how...but it just happened...

The first quarter of 2020 was arguably the worst phase of my life....so much self deception...I was this hollow person on the inside...zero empathy....unsure if I could be able to even finish my bloody degree in 4 years 

But this coincidence began with first me carrying around a wallpaper of Ganesha in my phone....Ganesha was the witness to all my karma while I was a ignoramus ...

My true friends tried all they could to save me from being a mess but I didnt think I had those problems then and my issue was of more wants and needs materially ... Never happy with what I have and what I am supposed to be grateful.

Fate had something very surprising in store for me tho...in the middle of my ignorant phase...I happened to attend the maha kumba bhishekam which occurs once in every 12 years in my hometown... Ganesha wanted me to experience this...because shortly later...I had a ego check when I was all alone...a kind soul helped me unconditionally....however I just went back to my ignorant phase...

This time was 3 weeks prior to lockdown and as fate had lockdown in store for the world (sit back and check yourself phase 🤪) universe sent me to 

Some kind souls and my heart began to meld.... I didn't notice all of this until a few months ago....

A turning point in my life was when I decided to sow this seed of gratitude in my own head 

It was to see my life as 'I wish I had this ' to 'I glad I don't have this ' perspective .. taken from Dalai lamas book on a guide to happiness

Since then the following coincidences happened.

  1. Expectation was I might not make it through college in 4 years but today I cleared all my arrears and am graduating in this April
  2. Was very anxious about being placed because of my low grades but I'm placed...knowing that completing a degree that I hate was the first of my priorities
  3. I feel happy being around my friends...we found a way to make up for the time they gave me to reflect on myself
  4. And the most importantly....I have some identity... Not this hollow and pretentious person I was seen as...and because of this...I can see the toxic friends looking to keep away from me :) even though I have second thoughts like 'bro it's okay to be what you were ' 
  5. Grateful for what life offers slowly but surely....trying to adopt the Buddhism approach of no wants and needs ... just love unconditionally like Ram Dass .... And understand that man alone is responsible for his actions like Krishna said....and having NO goals in life like OSHO said (still doubtful about that because it sounds bizzare as of now)

Thankful to the universe to provide smukti as a platform....may this be the end of the beginning...cos the only way is forwards 

Onwards and upwards 🙏🤙